HOT NANNY!

The hits to my site keep coming in and although they are not too numerous, there are a few more than usual. All seem to have the same search criteria; old nanny.

I’ll have to admit that my curiosity got the best of me so once more I plugged ‘old nanny’ into the search engine and took a peek into the site that seemed to fit www old nanny dot com and sure enough, it WAS an old nanny (hag) porn site. I’ll probably regret it later but enough was enough and besides, I’m a nosey old bitch!

My god! Were those women old and butt ugly! I was not able to watch any videos (you have to be a member, thank God) but the pictures were worth those four words “butt ugly old women”! Is this the new craze?

I had the fleeting thought that maybe I should add a bit to my site description stating that this was NO PORN SITE, SORRY! But I decided against it. Let the fools who stumble in here find that out on their own time.

Now, I have never claimed to be gorgeous or even good looking but after this little “field trip” and by comparison, I am one Hot Nanny!

SOUTHERN GIRL

I made a pretty tasty dinner tonight.

I fixed red beans and rice, slaw and grilled fish. There was only one thing missing. Mounds and mounds of hushpuppies. Next time, for sure!

A big ole wedge of derby pie would certainly have topped it all off and would have done me in as well. But what a way to go!

You see, you can take the girl out of the south but you can’t take the south out of the girl!

WELL??

It’s past dinnertime and I’m still sitting here in front of my computer as usual. Oh, wait! Did I get left behind? But if I did, shouldn’t I be somewhere else like in a big courtroom or something? I’M SOOO CONFUSED!?! NOT!

Another prediction of the End of Times down the tube! If this fellow knew his Bible, he’d know that only God knows the day and the hour according to Jesus’ answer to a disciple’s question about this very subject. Pay attention to what you read and quit reading between the lines trying to stay one step ahead of God (that ain’t gonna happen, either)!

Now, don’t get me wrong. I’m not laughing at this poor fool; I just feel sorry for him. Think what a hero he would have been if his predicted Rapture had happened! He could have had the pleasure of saying, “See, I told you so!” Now, he’s back at the drawing board trying to prove that he ‘miscalculated’.

I think the founders of Alcoholics Anonymous had it right when they coined the phrase “Let go and let God”. Maybe we should.

OLD NANNY . . . OH MY!

I have a site meter. That’s no secret. It keeps track of visitors to my blog site and gives me minimal information about said visitors.

I have always had visitors from all over the world using the search words ‘old nanny’ and until a few days ago, thought nothing of it. Then, I started seeing something added to those search words and now they looked like ‘oldnanny.com’ and this put a different twist to the whole scenario so, out of curiosity, I decided to put ‘old nanny’ in the search engine and started ’er up.

The results were astounding! Seems there is a porn site by the name of oldnanny.com. I didn’t dare visit the site for obvious reasons; the first being that once you stumble into these things (quite by accident), they start sending you disgusting spam as you immediately get put on their list of “new meat”.

Secondly, I may be an old fart but not a dumb old fart. I am not into bestiality or any other kinky sex play that I imagine this porn site is probably about (I have also seen search words such as ‘goat anal’ and ‘my dirty little goat’). All I do know for certain is that the slime who searches for this particular porn site and gets into Silly Old Nanny Goat instead must be totally disappointed!

Well, ain’t that a shame? Serves you right for poking where you’re not wanted!

THAR SHE BLOWS!

You know, after so long a time playing nice, something has to give. I’m supposed to be this sweet, pleasant, dumb-ass seventy-year-old retired broad with nothing important on her mind except whether to knit or purl. That’s what you think!

I can usually sit still for months at a time, even years if I feel the need and let things swirl around in this perceptively empty head of mine and just let the world go by. Then one day, something happens and my feathers get ruffled, my synapses start misfiring and the smoke starts rolling out of my ears.

Schwarzenegger - Kept a love? child secret for 10 years? Big effing deal! He should have taken lessons from my daughter’s father who has kept his dirty little secret for 40 years and is still lying through his teeth! Would you want this man? teaching your kids?

Barack Obama - Has the man finally realized that he holds a public office which is the highest in the country and that people look up to that office and the man therein to set a good example? Has he finally quit smoking? According to the First Lady, he has. According to him, he has fallen off the wagon a few times. Who are we to believe? Just as we are to believe that he was born in Hawaii after a hasty con job and a faulty Live Birth Certificate. More lies? Shame, shame! Wish Clinton could run again! His type of infidelity didn’t produce children and I personally can forgive him since his wife’s sexual preference was in question at the time. The man had needs! Save us, Bill!

Social Security - The men on the Hill will keep messing around with my livelihood until they are satisfied that anyone over 65 years of age be comfortably settled in a cardboard box at the side of the roadways in America. Wanna settle it once and for all? Take away their income for life and make these government ingrates live on Social Security Benefits. The government would most likely implode!

Cell Phones - So help me God, if one more person talking on a cell phone gets in my way anywhere because they are not paying attention to where the hell they’re going, I’ll hit them with my cart, cane, truck or anything else I can get my hands on to wake them the fuck up! I’m sick of getting out of their effing way! Who the crap do they think they are; Schwarzenegger?

Dr. Oz - I love you to death man, but those stupid game shows at the end of your otherwise very informative show have to go. Another three-ring circus fat-ass idea from Oprah? Probably!

Dr. Phil - Another Oprah bad idea! Sickening! Go join the ranks of Jerry Springer. Don’t watch you anymore, either.

I could go on but I’m not getting the personal satisfaction of ranting tonight. Maybe I’m concentrating too much on knit one, purl two!

THE BATH

Keeping the economy in mind as well as my financial status, I decided it was time to take the initiative and give poor, smelly Peaches a bath myself. The cost of professional grooming is getting quite expensive. They do have do-it-yourself bathing stations at some pet supply stores but I was bound and determined to do it at home.

I searched until I found just the right shampoo and conditioner. Since her hair is getting longer and Peaches is a Shih Tzu, I felt a conditioner would be a nice addition. I also bought the necessary ear cleaner since what I had at home had expired long ago.

Today was the Big Day. I had gathered the towels, put one on the bathtub floor to keep my little angel from slipping, put one folded on the floor outside the tub as padding for my poor knees, mixed the conditioner and had it, the shampoo and towels at the ready. I did grab an extra leash just in case I had to tether my little darling but felt that surely, that wouldn’t be necessary.

I had Richard catch the little squirt since she somehow knew something was up and was ready to play hard to get. This having been accomplished, Richard carried her to the bathroom and deposited all thirteen pounds of her into the tub while I got into position on my knees and started to get the water to the right temperature.

We have no spray attachment on the tub so I resorted to filling a quite large tumbler in order to get her wet. As I was filling the tumbler and pouring the water on her, she seemed to be growing larger by the minute. A sprayer would have been so much nicer!

Everything was going fine until I applied the first squirt of shampoo on her back and started to work the lather into her head, ears and neck. She took one look at me as if to say “Hey, you’re not Lisa and you don’t know what the hell you’re doing” and made a leap for the side of the tub. I caught her full force head-on and screamed, “RICHARD, HELP!”. After she was tethered, I commenced with the washing of the wiggling little sweetheart who was trying her best to shake off what I had done so far and hang herself at the same time. Her non-slip towel was in a ball in the corner.

The rinsing took longer than the wetting and my back was starting to feel the effects and we hadn’t even applied the conditioner which also needed to be rinsed out. Finally, after what seemed to take hours, I had Peaches wrapped up in three towels and held her to my bosom which by now, was soaked with water, shampoo and conditioner. My Big Plan had not included where I was going to blow-dry her! Until I had this resolved, I put her down and let her christen the house with every drop of water she could shake from her coat. Oh well, a little water never hurt anything, right? Besides, by this time, I didn't really care!

I settled on her seat in front of the window where I usually use the dryer on her if she gets damp from being outside. She hopped right up and we got started. The conditioner had done a wonderful job and there were no knots of hair to contend with. I had just about finished when she decided all by herself that she had had enough and hopped down.

It was now time to clean her ears. Besides the goop that comes from the anal glands (which we had bypassed this time around), nothing smells worse than the goop that comes from the inside of a dogs ear! She held still for that part. She also held still for the trimming of her ears which in my opinion, were too long. After finally getting them the same length which took about four tries and were now shorter than I had intended, we were done!

I will be taking her to get her nails trimmed next Tuesday (only $6 and they will be filed as well). Meanwhile, I shall go to bed until that time to nurse my sore muscles and back and to give Peaches time to get over herself. She should be grateful we didn’t do her anal glands!

Next time, we’ll go to the do-it-yourself to save my back and nerves.

The finished product:

Dog groomers are grossly underpaid!

A FEELING

This has been one hell of a year, hasn’t it? And, it’s not even half over!

I will probably be booted off the internet, hunted down and shot but I have a dark feeling that this whole thing about Bin Laden being killed is only a big political coup for Obama. It comes right in the middle of crisis after crisis including the question of the place of his birth and his not too warm and fuzzy popularity. I am left with a foreboding creepy crawly that this assassination may not even be true.

I hate to have been put into the position of the skeptic but in light of the fact that we have taken the word of the White House as gospel (I am not a crook, the weapons of mass destruction fiasco and Mission Accomplished, to name a few) and believed it all only to find that we’ve not been told the truth makes one wonder.

Don’t get me wrong. I am not a blood-thirsty voyeur as in “show me the visible proof” but this whole scenario has a smell that I can’t quite identify. The topic of my skepticism has been fodder for disagreement between my son and me. I say “maybe not” while he says “certainly so”!

I just hope and pray that if this is the truth, we as a country will not be made to pay for it more dearly than we already have!