UNBELIEVABLE BUT TRUE!

Hey, guys! Become a luxury cruise ship captain and see the world! Apparently it doesn’t take an education or much training. If you can row a boat, you’re in!

From what I have gathered from the news, the captain of the Costa Concordia veered off course as a favor so the head waiter could salute his family on shore and ran the ship aground. Hey moron, the head waiter wanted to wave from the ship’s deck, NOT on the shore! Seems this led to one huge clusterfuck resulting in lost lives, missing passengers and a possible environmental episode.

What a poor excuse for a cruise ship to begin with. When we cruised, the port authority would not let us leave port without participating in a disaster drill first and foremost!

Secondly, there is no way in hell a captain would be stupid enough to veer off course unless getting permission to avoid a hurricane, not to grant a favor to the help! And doesn’t it make you wonder what the head waiter did to earn this favor? (elevate your mind, Goat).

So, if this is all it takes, I want to be a cruise ship captain and sit at the big table in the main dining room! After all, I can drive a car, row a boat and paddle a canoe which should qualify me nicely!

IS IT TIME?

When Richard got home from work this morning, he announced that the car radio works fine. I must have accidentally hit the mute button on the steering wheel when I turned the radio on. I didn’t know! There are just too dang many buttons in that little hearse! I also find that it is hard for me to see to drive at night because sometimes I forget to turn on the headlights (too many auto this, and auto that buttons, again). Is it time to take away my car keys?

Speaking of buttons, the keypad on Erin’s garage door opener will indeed close the door. All you have to do is enter the code again and it will close. Not having a garage door keypad myself, I didn’t know! Could have saved myself a danged-near heart attack had someone told me before the fact! Is it time for me to take a short course in basic electronics at Now You Know U?

I have also found (and this is for all of you out there who might have this pesky relative), that I tend to talk everyone’s ear off when I finally get out and about. Maybe it’s because of our schedules, Richard and I don’t get too many chances for a good chat that I make up for lost time whether I know you or not (and I hate telephones)! Is it time for a retirement home where I’m surrounded by other folks talking each other’s ears off? Hell no!

FYI: I’ll drive until forced to park it, operate equipment until I get electrocuted and talk until I have no voice. And as far as a retirement home goes, kill me first!

FRAZZLED!!

Peaches’ canned food is sold by prescription and therefore may only be obtained where sold and there is an in-house vet. There is one big-name pet supply store that also has an in-house animal hospital that sells this particular brand of food.

The reason I have gone to this much detail (as usual) is that my vet ran out of the food but was due in a supply of it today. I was to call at around noon after the expected shipment was to arrive but found out that this particular item was not included.

In order to get her food without changing brands (we need not interrupt a good thing) and since she was down to one meal left, they wrote me a prescription so I could go to a nearby town to this big-name pet supply store to have it filled. I picked up the prescription and proceeded to the store.

When I got there, I was directed to the pet hospital where I had to give them the script, register and wait for a prescription card. Meanwhile, the printer that was to print out my card ran out of ink and the receptionist had to get help to change the ink cartridge so I waited, and waited.

Finally, card in hand and 12 cans of food in my cart, I headed for the checkout. The danged stuff was 24 cents more per can than I pay at my vet’s office! After having driven all this way and having to wait so long, and paying out the butt for the food, I was a little miffed as I loaded the 12 cans of food into the back of my little hearse.

If that wasn’t bad enough, my car radio took it upon itself to quit working so I had no music to soothe the beast that was raging inside of me.

The only upside is that I checked my iPad when I got home and found that I had won the latest game of Words with Friends against my daughter!

Other than that, I’m worn out and frazzled!

LIVING VICARIOUSLY

The Avon Marching Black and Gold left last Thursday morning via chartered plane to the sunny land of southern California to become a part of the Rose Bowl Parade. Not far behind were about two hundred plus parents, siblings and other relatives on commercial flights with the same destination of LAX.

All made it safely there and we at home lived their trip vicariously through emails, Facebook, television and photos sent through the Avon official Facebook site. It has been one heck of a wonderful trip and great memories stored for years to come.

The trip came to a rude awakening halt when the planes touched down yesterday at Indianapolis International Airport to temperatures in the 20’s and snow on the ground. Quite a difference from the previous night’s languishing in the hotel’s outdoor pool under the palms by the happy travelers!

We in Avon are proud of our kids, grandkids, cousins, nieces, nephews, siblings and friends who were part of this once-in-a-lifetime event. They looked and sounded great as they marched down Colorado Boulevard and conducted themselves exemplarily throughout their entire adventure! Now, they are safely back.

A great big WELCOME HOME!

GOOD START, CRAZY END

The day started well yesterday with the Avon Marching Black and Gold along with staff members boarding a chartered flight to Los Angeles and grandson, daughter, son-in-law and his father boarding a commercial flight headed to the same destination via Chicago. All landed at LAX safely to begin a whirlwind red carpet treatment for the invited AMB&G to participate in the Rose Bowl Parade and all the sight-seeing they and their guests could cram into five days.

While they are gone, it is my job to gather their mail and since yesterday was their garbage day, I was to put the empty garbage cans out of sight back into the garage. No problem.

I drove over to their house not five minutes away, gathered the mail and rolled the two garbage cans up the driveway to be ready to roll into the garage once I got into the house to open the garage door. I walked to the front door and got out the key I was given a few years ago in case I needed access to the inside of their house for one reason or another.

No matter how hard I tried, the key didn’t work! I tried every key on my key ring and none of them would fit. I thought that this was no problem, I’d just go to my car and get out my emergency cell phone and call California and get the combo to the key pad for the garage. My cell phone was dead!

I got in my car (by this time getting pretty frustrated) and headed home to use the phone in the house to call daughter. When I reached her, I asked if they had changed the lock on their front door and she finally remembered that they had and gave me the combo to the garage door pad.

I went back to their house, punched in the code and opened the garage door, put the mail inside the house and rolled the cans inside the garage and stopped dead in my tracks. Since the front door lock was a dead bolt and I had no key, how in the hell was I going to get back out through the garage with no visible “close door” key on the outside keypad?

Not a problem, I thought. I’ll just shut it from the inside, make a mad dash for the door, bend down and step over the electric eye beam and viola, I will be outside and the door will close.

I’m here to tell you that it is not an easy feat for a 70-year-old to outrun a garage door! After no less than three tries, out of breath and heart pounding in my chest, I made it!

The sad ending to this whole episode is the fact that I didn’t think of this until after all was said and done and I was back home for the final time. Son-in-law’s car was in the garage and I could have retrieved his garage door opener (if the car was unlocked) and used it to close the garage door.

Suffice to say, assuming that his car is locked, the rest of the mail will be gathered and taken back to my house until their return. No more garage door marathons for this old goat!

WILL WONDERS EVER CEASE?

Well, we ordered Peaches some special formula dry food and it came in yesterday. The smallest bag I could get was 6.6 pounds which was a little risky considering her penchant for avoiding dry food at all cost unless it is a treat biscuit, of course.

So, with fingers crossed, I poured 2/3 of a cup in a bowl this morning (she hates eating out of a bowl; another story) and she took to it like I take to Ben & Jerry’s Mud Pie ice cream!

I was so shocked, I almost cried again the way I cried out of sheer delight when she ate her canned dog food for the first time after her surgery.

My little white puff of fluff never ceases to amaze me. Just about the time I say she will, she won’t and when I say she won’t, she does!

Will wonders ever cease?

WHAT DID YOU DO WITH MY DOG?

It has been a month since Peaches had her surgery to remove a mass of bladder stones and today was the day that I was to take her urine sample to the vet to see if we were still on the road to recovery.

Her urinalysis showed a few white blood cells and a little debris but nothing to be concerned about. There were also no signs of crystals or stones! She is to stay on the special canned food as prescribed with the addition of a little prescription dry food as a supplement.

I know she certainly looks like a different dog and acts like a happy puppy even though she turned seven years old this past Saturday. She has even been jumping up on my lap which she has not done since she was a puppy to get her fill of lap dog love. Her fur is puppy soft and her skin is pink again.

I only had one question for the vet today:

What did you do with my dog? I knew I loved Peaches and she was special, but this dog that I brought home from the clinic a month ago is even more special and I’m closer to her than ever!

I am grateful to the Avon Veterinary Clinic and to Brian Mehringer, DVM for his loving care of my little companion.